June 19, 2009

  • Traveling .. Extravaganza?

    Sunday, I fly to Iowa (Cedar Rapids) for work…  I get back on Friday  and NEXT monday, I go to Georgia, I get back from Georgia on Friday and that Sunday I fly to IL for 2 weeks….  I’ll litterally be home for 3 days in a 4 week period. I am ok with that, and while I’ve not heard news on the job, I know I have it… I just don’t know what it pays. You’d think, someone who traveled so much for work, would pay well? You’d think? Hoping so.. I really want this job, but if I’m adding in Rent (which I don’t have here) plus travel expenses between IL and NC to visit family.. miles on the car… AND leaving the beauty here, I don’t think asking for another $5 – $8k/year is unrealistic? That would put me comfortably over my bracket I’m in now. And this is a specialized training position. I don’t think I can live off the SAME I’m making .. sadly. But $5k more a year would barely make it.. $8 I’d be comfortable. 

    Blizzcon trip is in the works, may be my last one for awhile depending… I’ve got my hotel reservations 17th – 24th… not needing a rental car, a friend will be picking me up at the airport and be my transportation, so that’s saving approx $500 . Just flight/hotel/food.  Will update on that when I have more info.

    The work trip, I’m not nervous about, I just feel a lil , bewildered I suppose. I’ll catch on tho.

June 14, 2009

  • Car Rental Help

    I don’t suppose anyone has any family/friends who work for Hertz or any other car rental company?

    Trying to plan my Blizzcon trip, all I’ve left to plan is a rental car.. it’ll have to be CHEAP. Last year I used a Hertz Friends/Family code that gave me my car rental for around $11/day out of LAX. I can’t find a valid code now… (even then it was iffy to use as I didn’t know anyone). I was hoping to get under $20/day out of San Francisco (then drive down to Anaheim after visiting friends). Dates from 8/17 – 8/23 or 8/24..

    Any tips are appreciated!

June 12, 2009

  • Still Waiting.. but on the move?

    I’ve still not heard officially on my job, but it seems I’ve got it… provided I accept it.. pay has still not been discussed… they’ve not “created” this position yet, it has to go thru a requisition process.. it had almost finished when they realized the job discription was wrong so it had to start over again… I’m confident it’s mine, if not… I will collect unemployment for 2 years and go back to school full time (they pay for it).

    Meanwhile…. I’m getting some good experience in. They’re sending me Iowa City and Cedar Rapids week after next to train them on how to do what our call center does.. I’ll get back on the 27th or so (leaving the 21st or so).. then on the 29th, I drive down to Columbus, GA to train that group. It’ll be the first buisness trip I’ve made where I walk in not knowing ANYONE. I don’t even have any contacts down in those offices. Maybe I’ll try to make some work contacts this week…. not that I’ll have time to socialize. There’s a 2 1/2 day (if I’m quick and I have no choice but to be quick) training I have to present to approx 30 people. In IA, I’ll have 2 centers to go to…. GA will be a lil more relaxed.

    It’s all very exciting.

    Bad thing… my laptop seems to have died… I’m working to either fix it or … sigh.. replace it. However that’ll be cutting into my travel money. I’ll have to wing it and see what happens. I NEED my wow escape while traveling.. I really really do.

    We’ll see… I feel so… grown up…. and I keep wanting to tell mom about all I’m doing. She’d be so proud. Caught myself today, wanting to call home and tell her about the trips and how I was wishing she could tag along, just to see the country. If she was here, I’d pay for her flight… and let her ride down to GA with me. I’d even get a smoking hotel room so she’d not have to go outside to smoke (used to always complain at her about that… and it was so dumb of me to fret over it). It’d be a blast.. for a split second, just after they told me when they were sending me… I forgot mom was gone.. and in that split second, I saw us on the trip together, wondering what sorta shops she’d find while I was at work. It was a very nice split second.

    Anywho… another late night update…. wishing you all the best.

May 25, 2009

  • Waiting

    The interview went well …. I’m still not sure if I have the job or how much it pays but on the drive up there, our manager found out that our NC office would be closing… soooo in the next month or two, I’ll either be in IL working or unemployed… lets hope it’s not the latter.

    Really hoping I get it.. I already have a good friend up there, it seems like a place I can start over…. and actually LIVE. Pray, cross fingers, toss bones or whatever you do for people when you want to wish them luck!  I need it.

    PS: I did not once say Ill-A-Noise while up there… had to watch myself tho cause at home, I’m 50/50 on how I pronounce it.

May 11, 2009

  • ILL-A-Noise Bound 

    We drive up tomorrow(gotta be up in 4 hours) Protected my other posts as I’m mildly concerned about rumors @ work. It’s tense there for no reason, so keeping stuff closer for the moment.

    I bought a new luggage bag, barely could get all my junk in it.. a cute tote bag too and all my needed extras. Got my laptop bag loaded up .. need to try to remember to pack lotion.

    Even got skittles for a snack. :D

    I’ll try to take pics with the phone so I can post here.  Excited about seeing a new place!!! Gnight all

April 24, 2009

  • Ranting Ahead..

    Cell phones.. I love mine, I’m on it often… I even have a bluetooth so I can drive more safely. (and not miss text’s while @ work). But what pisses me off .. people who come into the break room while you’re trying to eat lunch/watch tv/play on your laptop quietly… and chat away.. not in a quiet voice. Oh no, that’d be half way excuseable. No they jabber away in a loud voice.. talking about CRAP. Right now the lady is talking about someone’s headstone, and dinner at a visitation and gossiping about neightbors and family members… She’s bored, and can’t sit quietly so she calls her family. She’s an adult too. Nice lady .. but can not seem to sit quietly. If she’s not calling someone, she’ll come in.. and just start talking. I really don’t GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR FAMILY .. and I double don’t give a damn about your renovations or your plumbing. I should be greatful she’s not talking about sexual plumbing I suppose. There’s also this one girl at work… she’s ALWAYS fighting with her husband on her cell in the break room. YELLING and cussing at him. I don’t care if he’s the biggest asshole in the world. I don’t want to hear you demean him.  Take that shit outside please!.

    Lesse what else. Re my below post. Yes, I can see how the world today is a comparitive golden age to 1000 years ago. But in many ways, we’re still the same. We still have murderers, rapist.. we still have the evil that was around so very long ago. It may even be less common, because of our structure. But that it happens as much as it does, that is what sickens me. Most of us remember being children, being able to leave our doors unlocked, windows open. We can’t do that now.. and it won’t ever change. There’s no way to get back to that place, unless you own an island.. but even then, you’ll still worry. It’s been beaten into us. I don’t deny there are beautiful things out there.. and lots of them at that. But, they’re becoming less and less.

    Anywho.. gotta get back to work. Cell phone lady has gone and I want to enjoy the quiet for 10 min. more.

April 11, 2009

  • This World… is so … sad…. lost

    I went to school with a girl, I was never best friends with her. But I liked her, she was popular and pretty.. both her and her brother. Her mom was very involved in school activities. Worked at our highschool, knew all my brothers and always stopped to talk to me when I saw her around school or in town… her dad, was a coach at school, both knew my parents. Mom always liked them. They were very good people…

    Last night the parents home was broken into.. the dad was reading his bible… his grandson was staying the night and his wife sleeping in the bed. They dragged the dad thru the house at gun point. The grandson hid. They pulled the wife out of bed.. beat her with the gun. The husband asked if she was ok, after she said she was.. they beat him to death with their gun and ran away. 

    I’ve not talked to this highschool friend… since highschool. I’ve not talked to a lot of people since highschool. But I was so sad to hear about this. It was her son who was staying with his grandparents when this happened.

    Several years ago I blogged about a friend of the family who was murdered by his crazy wife.. again a family my parents and I knew, they helped with youth football/cheerleading.. I grew up with their children.

    Also years ago.. I wrote about the guy who listened to my silly little dj thing and sent me a tell/joke about cannibalism.. I mocked him.. calling him a weirdo.. telling him he needed to get out more.. get laid.. get friends.  Months later he murdered a child.

    These are just horrific crimes that have touched me personally…. it seems like an unusually high number… but maybe it’s not so unusual at all.

    And while my own family was hit in a very tragic way (and just as pointless)… it wasn’t via such dark means. There was no evil involved. It was just a stupid accident.. a very stupid accident.

    This world.. it’s such a horrible place. I know these things don’t mirror all of society… but … I start to wonder if it’s the majority. The statistics lean towards that. Throw in all these senseless killings based on religion… race… what side of town you live in…  heck, just recently, some bored kids killed the dog of an ex Navy Seal.. FOR FUN… a hero to our country.. they kill his pet for shit & giggles. What… the.. fuck.

    Do we hold nothing sacred? Animals? People? Heros? Do we .. love ANYTHING? Do we dream of anything other than pain and suffering… and fear?

    What’s becoming of this world we’re stuck in… I used to believe “that in the end, everyone is good at heart”. When I read the Diary of Anne Frank… I truly believed her words, because if she could believe that after having lived as she did, it’d be incredibly weak of me not to. But now… I wonder. Maybe it’s just juvenile innocence that allows that luxury.. that ability to believe everything will work out in the end. I’ve learned.. many times it just doesn’t. And this makes me feel very, very old.

    It also makes me want to find something small and beautiful in this world and hold on to it.. focus on it, and put blinders on to the rest of this insanity…  blah.

April 3, 2009

March 28, 2009

  • Stolen from SansMerci 

    The first five people to respond to this post will get something handmade by me.

    This offer does have some restrictions and limitations so please read carefully:

    1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make.
    2. What I create will be just for you.
    3. It’ll be done this year (2009).
    4. You will have no clue what it’s going to be.
    5. It will be something made in the real world and not something over the internet.

    Here’s the fine print:
    In return, all you need to do is post this text into a blog of your own and make 5 things for 5 others. No cheating; if you want something from me you have to post this on your site and follow through. You do not have to be particularly artsy-fartsy to do this. Really. Just be creative.

    Totally thought this was cute.  Knowing me, even if one person replies to this, it’ll take me a full year to do.

March 25, 2009

  • Repeating Pictures… I need an off switch.

    Every day on my drive to work, or home from work.. or when I get ready for work in the morning, or if I have too much idle time around the house or when I shower or don’t have something to read in the bathroom or clean house or am not watching tv or actively interested in what I’m watching on tv…. I think about my mom. I think about how much I miss her. On the way to and from work, I think about her accident, and going through it moment by moment either from when I heard the power flicker or starting when I got out of my neighbors car and started running to the truck… or when I actually saw my mom pinned under the car. It starts in different places. I see myself, 3rd person like.. doing all the what if’s.. and knowing that there’s nothing else I could have done besides have been driving the truck. I see myself trying to push a blazer that’s sitting on it’s roof on top of my mom… and then stopping because I knew there was no way to pull her out if I Was holding the truck and being afraid of hurting her worse. I hear myself yelling in frustration when I realized there wasn’t a damn thing I could do but help her breath. Over and over and over. I hear me begging her to open her eyes… yelling at her to fight for me… begging the first fireman on the scene to help me since I wasn’t sure if I was doing CPR right. Every day I see these things. I try and catch myself before the thoughts wander too far.. I physically jerk my head. Sometimes several times before I shake the images out of my head. Sometimes I have to dig my nails into my hands to get rid of it.  The pictures keep coming back, sometimes in a few minutes, sometimes in seconds. It’s like a damm of memories that ooze out. If let them play too long I cry and become deeply depressed. If I can cut them off and find something else to occupy my mind I’m still sad but I think that’s normal.

    I feel like I’m falling deeper and deeper into a funk. A friend of mine said I need to find something to look forward to. I need new friends or need to make plans. I have work “friends” but I don’t do anything with them outside work much anymore. I found the more I did non-work things with them, the more I fell into the gossip circle and I didn’t like how that made me feel. I started to lose respect for people I cared for at work, and I had to nip that in the bud. 

    I miss having my sister in law and nephew next door… since the house fire, they’re about 4 min down the road and it’s inconvenient to get in and out of their drive (long narrow drive I have to back out of or spend 3 min turning around in a very tiny space).. so I don’t make many night time visits on my way home from work, since it’s a pain to get out of the drive. So it’s like even that bond has been stretched thin.

    I see my nieces for maybe 3 hours every other weekend, since they have to go home early on Sundays and I work Friday and Saturday. I miss them.

    Years ago, I used to think about my family was my only connection to the real world. My only “real life” friends. And now with mom gone, I’ve lost my largest connection and the rest are barely even there. Even my cat was my 2nd best friend and he’s been gone close to a year now.

    I don’t want to be “community” involved to make friends as I think my community is full of jack asses and rednecks (it really is) and I don’t want to become too close to friends at work as I’m often in a supervisor position with them. I am not dating anyone right now (probably haven’t for years to be honest, regardless what I had with Cali boy) so I don’t have a significant other to confide in.

    I just don’t know how to get out of this downward spiral. I need… something. I need to be in love. I need someone to love me. And even if it’s not romantic love, I need love of a friend. I need to be able to share this ache with someone who WANTS to be there for me, to hold my hand. I need to break down with someone and have them be strong for me and put me back together again. And I just don’t see anywhere in my real life that fits the bill. 

    Don’t think I’m internalizing this stuff. I’m not. I cry every night. I just want it to get easier and I don’t know how to do that yet.

    So instead.. I’ll blog here. It does help push everything away some and I guess that’s the point of this place. Never really appreciated that till now I suppose.

    Edit: I think I understand this lyric much better ”To see his pain would be his greatest ambition” …  Why is it we all want others to see our pain so much. It’s not a sympathy thing… it’s more of a … way to fit in? To belong? I dunno. Just totally relating to that right now.