September 9, 2007

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  Life After Death. Life is .. happening.. not sure how that’s happening really, but it is. And that’s a good thing. I started a full time job on Sept. 4th. It’s 8am-5pm till I finish training.. will will be in approx 4-5 weeks, then it’ll be 1pm – 10pm, allowing me to stay up later and sleep in as I like to do. It’s fairly decent pay with AWESOME benefits and chances at really great commissions. I’ll start getting free cable/internet after 6 months as well. The people are super nice, the management seems relaxed and friendly but still professional. I hope this continues, as it feels like a place I could fit in and do well at for a long time. I had a great interview with these people, which really helped me feel better about myself. The first *phone* interview, she lady seemed really positive/excited about me… then the 1st in house interview, the lady *a different one than the phone one*  was so incredibly sweet and friendly. She also didn’t believe I was 31… she thought I was 22 or something at most. So.. she’s one of my favorite people in the world now. After meeting with her.. she took me to the HR person and apparently had a nice talk with her alone while I waited.. and I was offered the job right off… went to take my drug test the same day  .. as soon as they got the results back I was able to start working. I’ve a new *new to me* car… and bought some clothes for work… I shop for food, cook and try to clean up best I can.. however, I’m still messy in general. I do laundry.. do the dishes… watch tv.. and usually am ok. Some days, I break down.. and feel totally and utterly lost. I cry every day still.. but rarely the huge “I can’t breath” cries. Some days I feel very positive about everything.. and feel like I might actually have a future. Sometimes.. I forget she’s gone. And I think I hear her walking in the house then I catch myself. I think my cat can see her. He’s been chasing things… things I can’t see. He’s acting like a kitten again a lot.. it’s odd but comforting. Every night around 11:30-midnight he’s sprinting up and down the hall way and stops in front of her door. He’s been doing this since the night after she died. A few weeks ago, I was keeping Robert and he’d gone into the kitchen to make his breakfast drink he’d brought with him. He started playing with my word magnets on the fridge .. and noticed movement out of the corner of his eye.. he looked down the hall way *my mom’s room is at the end* and says he saw meme *my mom* walking from her room to the bathroom *across the hall* in one of the nightgowns she wore.. *she wore them all the time around the house*. He said what he saw was shaped just like my mom.. and had short hair the same color/length as mom’s. He couldn’t see the face because it was profile and moved fast. He stood there a bit after it disappeared and then walked quickly into the living room. He didn’t tell me about it till a few hours later. Two days after Robert thought he saw mom.. I was playing WoW one evening. I had just moved mom’s tv into my room, because my brother borrowed my tv for a trip *my tv is small*. The remote was sitting on my desk, away from my keyboard. At 11:30pm, the tv turned itself on. And it was on channel 11, the local station that plays music from our local am radio station and has still ads from local companies. When I turned the tv off earlier that evening it was either on Sci-Fi.. or Comedy Central. Channel 11 is the station my mom would turn on when she went to bed.. every.. single .. night. She’d leave it on all night .. if I turned it off while she was sleeping she’d wake up and turn it right back on. Hmm.. there’s been a few other small things, like I’m so sure I hear her moving around in her room in the morning. Or just random noises around the house. I’ll feel a cool breeze out of no where.. or just a suddenly comforting feeling.. out of the blue. Thursday of this week.. was my first visit to the cemetery since her funeral, slack of me.. I just wasn’t ready.. I wanted to be able to buy flowers for her .. and money was just too tight. Now that I have a job, I was able to spend what I wanted to make sure she had something special. It’s weird.. we always went there together to take care of flowers for my dad and grandfather.. she’d do granddads and I’d do dad’s. Now.. it’s just me.. however, I did find myself asking her if they were ok, like I always have.. I think she liked them. On the way out, I saw a rainbow… and decided to take it as a sign. Anywho.. that’s where I’m at.. and what I’m up to.. Here’s a pic of the car.. I got a great deal on it.. 2000 Suzuki Esteem 1.8 Z or something like that for $2900.. he sold it to me at trade in price. The dealer was my brother’s partner’s brother in law. Super nice guy.. karma must treat him well. Thank you to everyone who has checked in on me.. and has been thinking of me. While I don’t say much, it really is appreciated.

  • 8:23 pm
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