February 14, 2010
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No Valentine’s Blues
I had been dreading today for a few weeks. And while today is a tiny bit dreary, I’m not really that sad. (I don’t think). I miss my family, I miss giving my nephew and nieces valentine’s and hugs. But I’m doing ok with not having seen them since Oct.
I am working very hard to get out of my shell up here. I still tend to want to stay home rather than go out. But I’ve made some good friends. I’ve a coworker (he’s gay) who I really do love. He’s sorta adopted me and makes sure to include me in stuff. Through him, I’ve made several other new friends (all gay). We have great fun when we’re together. They’re nice and safe.
I think I enjoy them being friends as I know they’re not judging me. I have issues with straight guys. (please note I said I have issues, not the straight guys) I feel that they look at females visually… and rank them. And I know I always get a low ranking there. It’s like being the last one picked for team events. I have no clue why I let that ranking system influence me so greatly, I know it’s dumb. I know that’s probably not a fair assumption to make, not to me or the guys. I just can’t help it. I’m working on it tho, I really am.
My goal is to be around guys, and just be.. me. Not feel like they’re thinking I’d be prettier if I lost weight.. or whatever. To be able to be funny and interesting. Not asking for much, I don’t think.
So I guess, my last post was wrong. I do have a resolution. It’s to accept me… and not care what others think of that me.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all. I hope you find time to love yourself today… and every day.
Comments (4)
Oh sweetpea – here’s a couple of things I’ve learned over the years. I hope they help you. I still struggle with them both myself.
1. Pretty much everyone has that fear of being judged on their appearance. Some of the most beautiful women I know are paranoid about it.
2. There’s a great quote which sums this up but I can’t remember it exactly. “You’ll spent a lot less time worrying what others think of you when you realise how little they do.”
I know it’s tough but I hope you know you’re loved a lot. I think you’re smashing, for one.
PS are you on Facebook? You know my full name, right? Find me, if you are? It’s where I seem to spend more time these days and I don’t want to lose touch
That’s a very good resolution to have… to accept yourself and “grow into your own skin” so to speak. Very good.
Looks are THE first impression… and it goes both ways. Personality goes a long way though, and if you succeed in your resolution, believe me you won’t have anything to worry about. On a side note, not that it should matter, the few pics you have posted over the years, you are an attractive girl…. so don’t worry about it.
you do realize that NONE of us will ever be perfect, right?
we’re all works in progress.
You’ve grown up and matured into a lovely young lady. But I still blame you for getting me hooked on DKM thanks to that whole story about asking for the pick
*hugs goaty*