July 31, 2010
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Finding Neverland
Still looking but getting closer.
I just finished watching ‘Finding Neverland’. I had no idea how sad a movie it would be, but also how appropriate for how I’ve been feeling. My mom has been on my mind a lot lately, much more so than usual. That’s saying a lot since she’s always on my mind. Watching this movie hit directly on how I feel. I was left crying on the sofa, asking in my head why I haven’t moved past losing her after so long, why things keep playing on repeat. Why was it so hard… etc etc. The last few lines of the movie say something to the effect “she’s on every page of your imagination… she’s in Neverland and you can visit her any time you like” Then the little boy looks in the distance and says he can see her. I saw my mothers hand then. And as I’m crying like a baby…. I’m talking to her in my head and my inside voice tells her how much I miss her and suddenly the hurt stops, I hear in my head “I know, darling” and it all just… stops… and I suddenly can breath again and the crying stops. This is how I know she’s with me. What a gift moments like these are. Those definitive moments of certainty that you KNOW, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what you can’t see is real. And while they’re so very rare, they’re enough to carry you on until you need them again. Thank you.
Comments (1)
My aunt lost her son. She described almost exactly the same experience. She was driving and crying because she missed him and couldn’t believe she’d lost him and it all hurt so bad, when suddenly she heard his voice calmly say “I’m okay mom.”
And it was better.
Don’t know if it matters, but as a parent myself I can tell you your mother would be so proud of how you’ve carried on since she’s been gone that it would melt her heart.
*hugs*